Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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