Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
