she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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