Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
