when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
