he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize