If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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