Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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