Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
