Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
