fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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