I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
