I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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