I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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