Having a random hookup so left but love u
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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