4 words: hood of his car
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
