I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
