belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk is not a location!
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