I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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