I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
