The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
