You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
