My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
