I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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