Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
