Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
