I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
