we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
