Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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