ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then he peed in my hair
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