here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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