well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
