i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
