You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
