We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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