The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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