i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
