My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
