no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
