She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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