it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Welp...herpes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sext me about skeletons
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize