You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
