I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
