and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
