Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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