I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
