Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
