You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
