U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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