very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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