she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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