I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
