is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
