how can u be prego again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
