You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
