Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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