I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
