Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
