I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
