Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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