so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
